Bill can be a bit of a drama queen. He is sensitive and can easily lose his sense of self with others, should someone say something that may trigger him into feeling that he is a bad person. It could be the simplest thing. But for him, it becomes big. He then allows himself to get taken over by the idea of being a bad person, to the point that his drama queen will act out to draw attention to himself, so he can feel temporarily better. But like any painful cycle, drama can become exhausting. So Bill has been courageously doing therapy to look into these self-destructive patterns.
Interestingly, Bill is an active devotee of the Hindu warrior goddess Kali. When faced with tricky, dark energies, Kali is never sucked in. Without a moment’s hesitation, She fiercely pulls out her sword, fully present for whatever is before Her. With razor-sharp discernment that cuts through even the subtle complexities of Time and Karma, She severs any demonic ties and protects the evolution of light.
Bill could choose to feel a victim to life and use his drama queen tendencies to act out his pain. Or he could choose to see his tendencies as grace that supports his healing. Through his painful behaviour, he has a powerful opportunity. When he consciously chooses to access the fierce courage he sees in Kali and turn it to see the fullness of his own negative tendencies, he learns to discern and cut through the fog of trickiness with clear sight. Then, some kind of alchemy takes place. Using the same energy that usually ends in a blow-up, he instead turns that power to face the interference patterns that usually pull him into feeling less than he is. With that power, he can say an unequivocal “no” to destructive tendencies and an absolute “yes” to his own magnificence. No drama required, just beautiful life-force incarnate.
In Bill’s recovery process, even his destructive habits can be fertile soil in which a new discernment muscle can grow. Because of the painful pattern, he knows he needs to find another way. As he gains insight into the thoughts behind the outbursts, he is beginning to understand that if he allows himself to be swayed by the negative ideas and energies of others, he will fall down a dark hole into self-despair. In this dark drama habit, he has an opportunity to learn a powerful and hard-to-learn lesson on the spiritual path: “neti, neti” (“not this, not this”). By facing his tendencies, he strengthens his personal ability to discern which energies he will support, and which he will not. With mastery, like his chosen deity Kali, he will eventually learn to pull out his sword of discernment and cut off painful drama at the pass.
Now that you have taken a look at Bill’s life, how are you managing your shadow?
We all have gnarly bits and negative tendencies that seem to create pain and havoc in our lives. What are yours?
Find a quiet place where you feel safe to go inside, bring a pen and paper or perhaps a special note book and be as honest with yourself as you feel you can be in asking yourself the following questions. Take your time. No need to rush.
1) What are your painful tendencies that create havoc in your life?
2) Are you willing to embrace them without judgment and somehow consider them gifts?
3) What is your soul learning through them?
Be loving and patient with yourself as you touch these tender places. Know that you are love. You are loved. Always.
Parvati Devi is the editor-in-chief of Parvati Magazine and an internationally recognized Canadian musician, yogi and new thought leader. As a chart-topping touring musician, Parvati spearheads the Post New-Age musical genre with her independent success hit single “Yoga in the Nightclub” and accompanying show “YIN”. She founded YEM: Yoga as Energy Medicine, a powerful yoga method that combines energy work and yoga poses. Her critically acclaimed self-help debut book “Confessions of a Former Yoga Junkie – A Revolutionary Life Makeover for the Sincere Spiritual Seeker” is currently in its third edition.
For more information on Parvati, please visit www.parvati.tv.