We are constantly in relationship with friends, family, spouses, our communities and with all that exists around us. We also have the very important inner relationship with our self, which sets the foundation for the way we interact with all else.
Sometimes painful relationships can become life patterns, revisiting the same scenarios again and again. We may want change but too often try to transform our external world into what we want it to be, rather than witnessing what is and challenging our core beliefs.
Relationships themselves are an abundant source of learning, when we understand why we are in them. When we see relationships as a gift and opportunity to learn to truly love others and ourselves in this moment, we evolve deeply and quickly. The Chinese Taoist master Lao Tzu from the sixth century B.C. reminds us: “If you look to others for fulfillment, you will never be truly fulfilled.” Yogis, sages and spiritual masters tell us to look within to find lasting joy. So we know that the key to finding balance in relationships starts from finding balance in our relationship with our self.
To do so, we must go within and look at what we believe about relationships. Do we truly feel that we can be loved? Do we sincerely feel that love exists? Maybe consciously we do, but deeper, maybe we do not feel we deserve to be loved. As we go deeper within and find the distorted stories in our psyche, we can begin to rewrite our journey and make different choices. We have guideposts, clues, along the path of self-awakening. We learn to support what feels expansive within and release that which feels constrictive. When we explore our relationships from that vantage point, we can see that expansion supports our evolution, and constriction keeps us in some way in a state of disconnection and suffering.
Everyone’s core beliefs are different, depending on our unique journey. Each one of us will find balance in our relationships in different ways as everyone has an individual soul voice and path. So I encourage you to write out what your core beliefs may be about your relationships. These core beliefs are driving your thoughts, choices and actions. These are creating your reality.
1) What do I believe about myself?
2) What do I believe about others?
3) What do I believe about women?
4) What do I believe about men?
5) What do I believe about intimate relationships?
6) Do I believe I can find a life partner? How come?
7) What do I believe about my job?
8) What do I believe about my career path?
9) What do I believe about being fulfilled?
Be creative. Write other questions – like what do I believe about sex, money, fun, etc…Review and set this aside. Then take a new piece of paper or open a new document and answer the questions as to what you would like to believe, such as:
1) What would I like to believe about myself?
2) What would I like to believe about others?
Step back and take a look at both sets of answers. What do you believe? What would you like to believe? Are they the same or different?
Meditation shows me that replacing one thought for another does not work over the long term. We likely are still holding onto the old beliefs, trying to fit new ones over top. Instead, contemplate any gap between your two lists. It illustrates your growth edge. When you clearly see that what you believe is creating something that brings you suffering, you no longer choose to give it power. In that moment of letting go, there is space in which the new belief can take root. Deep and lasting change requires an inner restructuring and release process that only radical self-acceptance, humility and willingness can bring.
May we all find ourselves cultivating balanced joy, love, service and expansion in all our relationships so that all beings everywhere may be free.
Parvati Devi is the editor-in-chief of Parvati Magazine and an internationally recognized Canadian musician, yogi and new thought leader. As a chart-topping touring musician, Parvati spearheads the Post New Age musical genre with her independent success hit single “Yoga in the Nightclub”. She founded YEM: Yoga as Energy Medicine, a powerful yoga method that combines energy work and yoga poses. Her critically acclaimed self-help debut book “Confessions of a Former Yoga Junkie – A Revolutionary Life Makeover for the Sincere Spiritual Seeker” is currently in its third edition.
For more information on Parvati, please visit www.parvati.tv.