Positive Possibilities Living: Finding Lasting Love, by Parvati Devi
Trying to find a lasting relationship while feeling lousy about oneself is like trying to catch rain with a sieve. We simply don’t have the containment to attract the nectar we seek to quench our hungry and lonely hearts. If we look within, we may feel a hunger that is deeply insatiable. This is a feeling that only we can satisfy. It would be impossible for anyone to do that for us.
Until we feel we are worthy of love, we are unable to sustain the true love we ultimately seek. When we feel incomplete within ourselves, our sense of partiality tends to attract partial relationships that last for some time and then dissolve. It is only when we feel whole within ourselves that we attract the wholesome love that provides the meaty sustenance to accompany and enhance our lives.
When we learn to love our self, we become like an open cup ready to receive the bounty of life. Perhaps, to some, that seems like bitter irony. You may ask, “If I feel whole, why would I want to find love?” Love is organic and infinite. It is not an end point, but an ongoing, alive, evolving force. Love does not arise though “wanting”. When we are “wanting”, we are identified as separate from that which we want. How can we attract something from which we feel disconnected? When we feel that we are not separate from, but exist within love, we are able to receive and sustain it.
Love flourishes as an ever-present force to be witnessed. For most, love is to be found, to be had or to be lost. But for the wise, love is to witness an unfolding. As we love ourselves or as we love another, we learn not to grasp or to control, but to appreciate with inner spaciousness the blossoming, the evolution of this moment as it is.
It is not someone else’s job to make us feel loved, but up to ourselves to tap into the infinite well of love within. Friends, family, lovers, spouses can amplify that connection within ourselves, but they are not the source. To put that job on someone else would be to sidestep your own spiritual responsibility, and make fallible people into gods. We are all imperfect beings learning to be the infinite love-light we are. Unconditional love may flow through us at times, but eventually, until we are fully enlightened, the ego will creep back in and make love conditional.
Feeling disconnected from love can be a deeply unconscious thing, due to wounds we carry from childhood and/or from past lives. There may be a very young place within us that still feels unmet by our mother, our father or both. From this place, we tend to express a “wanting” for love. We may unconsciously feel, “I want daddy to make it all OK,” or “I want mommy to love me in the way that I need”, which then gets projected onto any potential partner we may attract. How could a partner fill that void? It is a set up to leave us wanting, even at the outset.
A mature, lasting love relationship is not two halves making a whole, but two wholes dancing in the infinite. We must do our own inner work on our deeper issues before we can have a lasting and meaningful relationship with another person. We must rest in self-love in order to truly love. May we each remember our true loving nature so that we may embody love and set the world’s heart ablaze.
Parvati Devi is the editor-in-chief of Parvati Magazine. In addition to being an internationally acclaimed Canadian singer, songwriter, producer and performer, she is a yoga teacher and holistic educator, having studied yoga and meditation since 1987, and developed her own yoga teaching style called YEM™: Yoga as Energy Medicine. Her current show, “Yoga in the Nightclub”, brings forward a conscious energy into the pop mainstream.