Wellness: Self-Care at Valentine’s, by Candace Plattor

For many people, the 3-month period of December through February can be a difficult time of the year, especially for those whose significant relationships are problematic.

THE TRILOGY

First comes Christmas with all its potential addictive pitfalls. Compulsive shoppers spend far over their budgets, people-pleasers agonize over the right gifts to get so that everyone will be happy with them, gamblers worry about that elusive big win. Food addictions run rampant. People with substance abuse issues try to hide from it all by getting high or drunk.

Just one week later, we have New Year’s Eve – a particularly difficult time for people who are not in a satisfying personal relationship or who may be in recovery from drug and alcohol abuse.

And now we come to Valentine’s Day, which suggests that we are all supposed to be wildly in love with a “perfect” person who will shower us with love.

I have witnessed, both personally and professionally, the misery caused by unrealistic expectations. When we are encouraged to be anything but our authentic selves, when we mistakenly set the bar too high for our actual, real lives, disappointment and unhappiness generally follow.

Loving others is a wonderful part of the human experience. What if we found ways to respect ourselves holistically and celebrate our love for ourselves at the same time that we deeply honour others? 

The truth is that the way you treat yourself is the very foundation of the love relationships you will allow yourself to have. If you do not like yourself, if you are disrespectful with yourself because you feel you don’t deserve better treatment, that is also exactly the kind of relationship you will attract.

THE GOOD NEWS… 

The way you see yourself can change. There is a wonderfully simple saying for how that can happen: “Bring the body, the mind will follow.” So what if, this Valentine’s Day, you did something absolutely fabulous for yourself? Maybe it would be buying yourself flowers or taking yourself to the spa for a few hours to celebrate how absolutely amazing you are. Maybe it could be a very inexpensive option, such as going for a walk in the fresh air or taking the time to call or email cherished friends and family members to let them know you love them.

The following are some things you can do to have a different kind of Valentine’s Day:

  • Plan in advance to spend time with people who help you feel good about yourself, rather than with those who are a drain on your energy and your self-esteem.
  • Choose to volunteer with an organization that radiates love to our planet.
  • Find a way to give love to those less fortunate ~ for example, maybe your local hospital has babies who need someone to hold them for a little while, or perhaps there are animals at a local shelter would love to have a visit from you.
  • Rather than continuing to believe the dysfunctional message – “You’re nobody till somebody loves you” – you can instead choose to make an awake, conscious decision to take care of yourself holistically on February 14th, while holding your head high and feeling proud of yourself. What a concept!

Whether you are in a healthy significant relationship with another person at this time or you’re not is in no way a reflection on your inner worth or your ability to love. And remember, you are always in the most important relationship of your life, 24/7 – the one that you have with yourself.

How will YOU choose to take good care of yourself on Valentine’s Day this year?

Candace

Candace Plattor, M.A., R.C.C., is a therapist in private practice, specializing in addictive behaviours such as alcohol and drug abuse, eating disorders, gambling, internet addiction, compulsive overspending and codependency in relationships.

Having graduated from Adler University with a Masters degree in Counseling Psychology in 2001, Candace helps clients and their loved ones understand their addictive behaviours and make healthier life choices for themselves.

Candace is the author of the award-winning book Loving an Addict, Loving Yourself: The Top 10 Survival Tips for Loving Someone with an Addiction. She has been featured on television and radio programs throughout the US, Canada, and internationally. She has become a favorite go-to expert for addiction news-related interviews.

Please visit her Loving An Addict Facebook page and her website at www.candaceplattor.com for more information.