Are Your Relationship Beliefs Getting in the Way of Love, by Parvati Devi

We are constantly in relationship with friends, family, spouses, our communities and with all that exists around us. We also have the very important relationship with our self, which sets the foundation for the way we interact with all else.

Sometimes painful relationships can become life patterns, revisiting the same scenarios again and again. We may want change but too often try to transform our external world into what we want it to be, rather than witnessing what is and challenging our core beliefs.

Relationships themselves are an abundant source of learning, when we understand why we are in them. When we see relationships as a gift and opportunity to learn to truly love others and ourselves in this moment, we evolve deeply and quickly.

To do so, we must go within and look at what we believe about relationships. Do we truly feel that we can be loved? Do we sincerely feel that love exists? Maybe consciously we do, but deeper down, maybe we do not feel we deserve to be loved. As we go deeper within and find the distorted stories in our psyche, we can begin to rewrite our journey and make different choices.

Everyone’s core beliefs are different, depending on our unique journey. Each one of us will find balance in our relationships in different ways as everyone has an individual soul voice and path. So I encourage you to write out what your core beliefs may be about your relationships. These core beliefs are driving your thoughts, choices and actions. They are creating your reality.

1)     What do I believe about myself?
2)     What do I believe about others?
3)     What do I believe about women?
4)     What do I believe about men?
5)     What do I believe about intimate relationships?
6)     Do I believe I can find a life partner? How come?
7)     What do I believe about my job?
8)     What do I believe about my career path?
9)     What do I believe about being fulfilled?

Be creative. Write other questions – like what do I believe about sex, money, fun, etc…Review and set this aside. Then take a new piece of paper or open a new document and answer the questions as to what you would like to believe, such as:

1)     What would I like to believe about myself?
2)     What would I like to believe about others?

Step back and take a look at both sets of answers. What do you believe? What would you like to believe? Are they the same or different?

Meditation shows me that trying to replace one thought for another does not work over the long term. Without addressing the underlying beliefs that affect our choices, new thoughts don’t stick. Instead, contemplate any gap between your two lists. It illustrates your growth edge. When you clearly see that what you believe is creating something that brings you suffering, you no longer choose to give it power. In that moment of letting go, there is space in which the new belief can take root. Deep and lasting change requires an inner restructuring and a release process that only radical self-acceptance, humility and willingness can bring.

For more on finding balance in relationships, try the contemplative exercise in the Meditation section of this issue.

Parvati headshotParvati Devi is an award-winning musician (“I Am Light”, “Electro Yog”, “Yoga In The Nightclub”), yogini (YEM: Yoga as Energy Medicine), author (“The Grace Mindset”, “Aonani of Avalon”, “The Three Supreme Secrets for Lasting Happiness”) and founder of the not-for-profit All her work is dedicated to protecting all life on Earth by establishing the Marine Arctic Peace Sanctuary (MAPS). More info: and