A relationship that challenges us is an opportunity to go deeper into self-awareness and ask ourselves what we are being asked to learn. In that state of receptivity, we begin to sense what we are learning. When a relationship feels constrictive, it is good to remove ourselves for however long we need, be it for a moment through skilled witnessing, or be it for weeks, months or years to gain some quiet objectivity. In silence, we go within and explore what triggers our constrictive reaction. Then, if it feels expansive to do so, we go back to explore the relationship with that new-found wisdom. Through the practice of witnessing, we can experience release and spaciousness where there once was reactivity. We learn to be present, to be with what is, rather than trying to change this moment to suit our needs.
We can find in most relationships an inner, expansive presence in which to evolve. However, when a relationship begins to feel predominantly constrictive despite one’s effort to practice witnessing, it is time to move on. When we do so, it is good to leave in gratitude for the teachings we have learned, rather than in anger, judgment, resentment, guilt or blame. Inwardly or outwardly we can thank that person, as he or she has been our teacher. As we move on, if there is any doubt that we have not learned all we could, do not worry. The laws of the universe will ensure that we do, either with this same person somewhere in our future or with another, in which very similar patterns exist. In this place of gratitude, we maximize our ability to receive the gifts of each moment along our path.
When we take that leap to try something new and not chase a person who is leaving us because we want their approval, or wish for their love, but rather we pause and wait, breathe and be, there is a vast space that opens beyond the pain of constriction, of holding onto old patterns, beyond the fear of being alone, left helpless in this big world. In that space, we find a new life, a freedom from limiting beliefs, a renewed vitality, and a field of possibility. We also find that we are alone.
For the faint of heart and for those new to the path, the aloneness can teeter into feelings of abandonment and loneliness based on wanting, and a fundamental disbelief in our own innate beauty and ability, capability to be here, to be now, to be interconnected in this moment. For those who at that juncture wobble into incapability and constricted emotions, a new opportunity will return to once again give them the chance to release the holding of old patterns.
For those who welcome the aloneness, we find tremendous strength and renewal. In that aloneness, everything is. There is the space to be who one is without interference. There is the place of possibility to connect with another without losing oneself. In the aloneness we are not in any way severed from anything but majestically and richly interconnected to all. In that aloneness we are more “with” than without. In that place of aloneness, we can touch our own place of enough. Aloneness does not need to exist in physical solitude, though it may. Aloneness exists in the contented completeness within the infinite Self that is everything, everywhere.
Parvati Devi is the editor-in-chief of Parvati Magazine and an internationally recognized Canadian musician, yogi and new thought leader. As a chart-topping touring musician, Parvati spearheads the Post New-Age musical genre with her independent success hit single “Yoga in the Nightclub” and accompanying show “YIN”. She founded YEM: Yoga as Energy Medicine, a powerful yoga method that combines energy work and yoga poses. Her critically acclaimed self-help debut book “Confessions of a Former Yoga Junkie – A Revolutionary Life Makeover for the Sincere Spiritual Seeker” is currently in its third edition.
For more information on Parvati, please visit www.parvati.tv.